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clalalla
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Name: ClaCla
Country: Australia
Metro: Sydney
Birthday: 8/21/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: being a princess in the making, acting like drama queen, dreaming about prince charming, smiling and singing like professional diva
Expertise: day dreaming...
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
11/29/2003
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| Finally, I am done with being a medical student and will soon officially become the big DR. I can't believe it, it's surreal.
Thank God!
Some of the things that I have done since I finished my exams on 5th Oct:
1. Went for a super short Melbourne trip.
2. Going on various dinners and outings.
3. Went back for a two weeks trip back to Jakarta, which was totally unplanned.
4. Going to Justin Timberlake concert last night, which was super awesome!
I have so many cool videos of JT strutting around but *sigh* I decide not to post them up cos it takes way too long for my level of patience to deal with. 5. Attending a VMO dinner (with a lot of the consultant, some of the registrars, residents and interns working in the hospital I am based at) tonight, right after hospital. Was pretty fun. | | |
| I found it so hard to concentrate today. So instead of studying I decided to re-read my diary in the year of 1997, a year before I came to Australia.
It was amazing to see how much I have changed over the years (hahaha of course, otherwise it'll be pretty worrying if I haven't changed). I giggled the whole way through while reading cos what I wrote was so ridiculous, so childish, so immature. I just realized how teenager I was. I was so obsessed with boys. I guess, everybody had to go through that stage hehe.
I still can't believe at the things I wrote in it, like "Oh please diary, please please let the phone rings and let it be him" *and then the phone rings* and then I wrote, "Thank you diary, I know you are the best, you are my shining star, you are the best, you made him call me" hahahaha LOL. And another one like, "I realized today that his car plate no is ******, oh why diary, do you have to give me a boy with such a hard car plate number to remember".... what the??????? 
HAHAHAHAH ROFL...
Anywayyy  , so I had one exam already. It was pretty hard. One hundred and twenty mcqs. I was already dizzy by question no.50. Throughout it all, all I could think of was how hungry I was and another voice in my head kept on saying "please God, help me, help me", haha. Hopefully the result will be ok. 
I have another exam this coming Thursday and another one next week, on Friday. I'm pretty scared cos one is OSCE (4 short cases, 20 mins each with an examiner) and the other one, viva voce (8 stations of 5 mins duration each with an examiner ). Scared that I will stuff up, screw up, freeze, have a mind blank, blurt stupid answers....aah u name it.
I am so excited though at the thought of finishing exams. It's like I go through the yoyo-ing motion of "yeayyyyyyyyy almost done - ohhhhhhh noooooo exams not doneeeee".
I am such a drama queen. No wonder my friends think I may have histrionic personality disorder. hehe.
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| My worry-reaction to exams always comes late. It has now finally hit me, like really hit me.
So far my brain has not been co-operating very well with me...one information stored means two other previous stored information wiped out.
Man, I am freaking out!
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| Today has been a day full of reminder from God, a lot of gentle nudge, lots of tender care and encouragement from Him.
I feel so blessed today, wonderfully loved and grateful beyond I can say. It has not been any special day, nothing out of the ordinary and yet out of the "routine" of it all, I feel as if He spoke to me directly, almost audibly, of His grace upon my life.
Today started like any other of my Sunday, got ready for church, left at 8.15am and went to serve in kids ministry. It was good, I was happy and seeing all the children and the wonderful cuteness, funniness and the marvelous work that God is doing in each of their lives really blesses me with feeling of joy I can't even explained. Then I received an sms from a friend far away in the land of South Africa and he was telling me the horrible things that he had seen throughout the night as he was on-call. I was so blessed by the message that he wrote, that even out of the sadness he was still finding the goodness out of it, and it reminded me of how I am blessed immensely. This guy is just so positive all the time, no matter how gloomy things are, he always manage to find something positive to be thankful for and I feel as if God is also speaking to me to learn the same thing. There is always something to thank about.
Today I was also invited to my friend's baptism at her church and I am so glad I went. I went to encourage her and yet, I think she probably encouraged me more than I encouraged her. Her testimony reminded me of my own walk with God, my insecurities, my failures, my imperfections, how I was and where I am at now and as she was talking, I literally felt tears welling up because I just felt so very grateful to have known such a powerful Saviour, a God who really transform lives. I am so happy for her, for her walk and to see such a beautiful girl blossoming with so much gratefulness gives me joy.
As the sermon was later delivered, I felt as if it spoke directly to me. It was from Luke about the prodigal son and the other brother. It hit me then that I believed in Jesus, I know of His grace and yet I am not living it fully. I always feel I am not good enough for God, not doing enough, not loving Him enough, not reading the Bible enough and on and on and on; but it was all about me, about my effort and it is not supposed to be that way. He loved me just the way I am, He does not condemned me and I need to really experience His grace, to do things not out of duty, but out of my own willingness, out of my love for Him.
And so, as I was driving home tonight, I just spoke to Him and let my heart roamed free and I just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I literally felt as if He was next to me, hugging me, telling me to put my yoke upon Him and to lean on Him, to stop doing it by myself because He is always there next to me, opening His arms to me. It was as if I have always told him, no I can do it on my own, just sit away, I will try on my own strength until I can't anymore, in other words, " I need you but only sometimes".
I know some people might be uncomfortable reading this, cynical even but my point in writing this is not to choke my believe upon yours; trust me that is not my intention. I am simply writing this because this site is where I go to when I need to be reminded of what has happened in my life, and today is a day that is definitely worth noting for. And if this entry somehow blesses those who read it, then I am glad that you find it so.
So I hope you all are well and hopefully having as good of a day as mine or even better, but even if it is not, I hope you can still find something to thank about.
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| Final exams are very very near, I think I have approximately 3 weeks to go. How scary!!!
I am so worried because I know deep down I haven't been studying to the best of my ability lately. I am procrastinating big time most of the time. I even opt to do things that I don't like doing regularly like ironing.
I also watched Australian Idol after vowing not to watch it this year. I have no self-control.
It does not help when people around you are excellent. It is even worse when excellent people keeps on voicing their worries cos it makes u feel like.... if they think they are not good enough then what about me??????
Anyway, I know the thing that I have been taught over and over again is not to compare, but honestly it is so hard not to.
The most frustrating thing out of all this is that when u know you have read a topic like a million times, thought u knew it all, only to realize for the million times when u are trying to answer a question that all the things you thought u knew are gone. Feels like the whole effort of studying is futile.
I know though that in the end I won't be able to cover it all, I'm bound to not know a LOT of things.
*sigh*
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